Bangkok Solo Mission.

Holla city of squalor

So here I am, touchdown in Bangkok! I breeze through immigration and dive headfirst into the delightful madness that is Bangkok. I hop onto the Airport Express train, on a mission to find my hotel.

As I'm strutting out of the train station and climbing the stairs, I look up and, lo and behold, I'm greeted by the charming sight of a ladyboy with her "special package" making a surprise appearance beneath her skirt. Yep, no doubt about it, I'm definitely in Bangkok!

I chuckle to myself and mosey on to my hotel to check in and catch some Zzzz.

I am out of bed early, camera in hand, ready to conquer the streets and figure out where on earth I am. After an hour of wandering and snapping pics like a lost tourist, my stomach starts demanding. I stumble into a little cafe buzzing with locals. Feeling adventurous, I order a Pad Ka Prao. But alas, it seems the chef had a fish sauce mishap—my dish is saltier than the ocean! I guzzle down some water to survive the salt assault and soldier on with my meal. Meanwhile, I can't help but notice the locals living their best Saturday lives, savoring breakfast and even cracking open a cold one at 8 am.

I head back to the Hotel edit some pics and hit the streets again to Wat Paknam, a temple with the giant gold buddha towering over the area. What an amazing site to see from the small ally's that make up the area Talat Phlu. After snapping a few pics of the big guy or girl (i would hate to miss gender) I hit up the local market for some lunch. I walk around and check out what culinary delights are on offer and settle on some braised pigs trotters with rice. This plate of absolute deliciousness set me back a ridiculous price of 60 THB ($2.90).

After devouring my meal i head back to the hotel to chill out and then head to the local watering hole for some cold beers and call it a day.

The next day I wake with a raging headache and realize I haven't had any coffee for 2 days, so it's time to get my fix. I walk up the main road close to the hotel and find a little cafe called Moka Mania, a cool little cafe pumping out coffee on an electric stove from a moka pot. The end result being one of the best coffees I have had in my life. Thai coffee for the win.

After coffee I head across the road to a local joint pumping out noodle soup and pork and rice with a peanut sauce, I opt for the mixed pork with rice and peanut sauce, and I am not disappointed and again this meal was super cheap at only 60 THB.

After breakfast, I decided to hit up Lumpini Park, a kind of oasis amidst the hustle and bustle of Bangkok. It's a well-maintained park with gardens and a lake in the middle, home to a bunch of resident Asian water monitors. These things are big, with the biggest I saw being well over a meter. This park is a hive of activity with locals participating in some personal exercise and some even taking some time out of the hot day and sleeping in the shade.

After burning some calories, I decide to consult my good friend Google and discover there's an all-you-can-eat buffet for the grand sum of 50 THB ($2.40) just outside the park gates. I show up and am welcomed with the wonderful Thai hospitality. I'm given the full scoop on all the dishes and instructed to pile my plate high and grab a seat. After demolishing my first plate, the owners notice and insist I get up and chow down some more. Not one to argue with a man speaking pure logic, I haul myself up and snag another plate of this fantastic street food. If you ever find yourself in Thailand, don't be afraid to dive into the local street food. It's delicious and cheap. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? You might have a minor case of the spitty bum, pop a couple of Imodium, and carry on!

As the sun turns up the heat, it's the perfect excuse to retreat back to the hotel and embrace the art of doing absolutely nothing. After a few hours of doing sweet fuck all, it's time to venture out to the local sports bar for some frosty brews. I knock back a few Changs and decide it's time for a stroll. Just a short walk away is the infamous red-light walking street, and with a few drinks giving me courage, I decide to check it out. Almost instantly, I'm intercepted by a woman who seems determined to drag me into a bar. I politely decline and attempt to mosey along, but not before getting an unexpected handshake straight on the genitals. I'm stunned, but that surprise grip sure left an impression!

I make a speedy getaway, make my way into a bar with live music, and settle in for some prime people watching with a few more Changs in hand. If you're looking for top-notch people watching, head to Thailand's red light district—you're guaranteed to witness some unforgettable sights!

I wake up with a slight hangover, so I declare today a chill day. I stumble my way to grab some of that magical Thai coffee and noodle soup, hoping they'll perform a miracle on my head. After slurping down my cure-all concoction, I drop off my laundry at the local laundromat and retreat back to the sweet embrace of air conditioning. I spend the day in the fettle position and order some home delivery for dinner and call it a night.

It's day 4, and I'm just about halfway through my trip. Hangover gone and feeling fresh, so I hit the gym, then the hotel pool. I have worked up an appetite and think, why not hit up one of Bangkok's many rooftop pool beach clubs? So I make my way to the local mall and head up to the Tribe Beach Club. I book a poolside lounge and am told I have to spend a minimum of 3000 THB. Challenge accepted, and I walk to my poolside lounge chair and quickly order some cocktails to get this party for one started.

I order some food and more drinks and chill out for the rest of the afternoon sipping margaritas with a few chang chasers. It gets to 3 pm and my 3-hr time limit is up so i pay my bill of 4000 THB and stumble out of there back to my hotel.

I hit the sack early and wake up half fresh. I decide it's time to check out the Grand Palace. As soon as I get there, I'm bombarded by folks trying to sell me long pants that practically yell, "Hey, look at me! I'm a Thailand hipster tourist with elephants on my legs!", as shorts are not allowed on the palace grounds. I knock back the first 10 pests and head straight for the nearest shop to get some hydration as I'm sweating out yesterday's festivities. I smash 2 waters and buy some pants from next door and head straight to the palace entrance. I pay the entrance fee and enter, and I am immediately in awe of the detail in this place. Construction started on this bad boy in 1782 with many other buildings constructed throughout the years and eventually everyone had moved out of the palace by 1925.

I snap a few photos, and I am sweating like I'm in a sauna, so it's time to leave, grab some grub, and make a beeline for the sweet, sweet embrace of the aircon. When 4 PM rolls around, it's Chang o'clock! Off to the local sports bar I go, where I'm practically a celebrity now—my order arrives before I even sit down. By the time I polish off the last sip, they're already asking if I'm ready for round two. Obviously, I am! So, I keep on people-watching and happily guzzling down those tasty brews. Eight changs later and a chicken burger and its bedtime.

At last, the sun makes a rare appearance in the morning, and I'm all set to catch the sunset from a rooftop bar. So, I hop online and decide to treat myself to dinner at Nobu. Sure, I'll be in deep trouble for going without my wife, but she's not here, so her vote doesn't count this time!

I start with a chill day grab a coffee and decide to try some of the street fried chicken that i have been eying off for days and wow this fried chicken cooked on a little street cart would give any fried chicken chain run for its money if it went mainstream. Crispy , juicy, and absolutely delicious especially when dipped in the home made chilli sauce and a sticky rice chaser.

I kick back for the rest of the day and grab a cab to Nobu because arriving like a human waterfall isn't my style. The cab takes a whole hour to cover a measly 8 km, and I'm running late, and by the time I get there, Nobu's practically sending out a search party for me. I zoom up to the 58th floor, step out onto the terrace, and WOW—I'm hit with the most jaw-dropping view of Bangkok. I order a beer and settle in to watch the sun do its disappearing act. Not gonna lie, it's a bit awkward being old Scott-no-friends in a swanky restaurant, but nevertheless, I order a 6-course degustation, and in true Nobu fashion, it is absolutely mind-blowing.

dinner done some more beers consumed and its time to head back to the hotel and call it a night.

The next few days are spent chilling out, checking out the local malls, and eating some ridiculously good, cheap food and drinking beers. When you can get a plate of curry for $1.60 AUD in a shopping mall food court, you start to think maybe Thailand could be on the cards for retirement during the winter months in OZ. The people of Thailand are amazing, the food is cheap, and the public transport makes Australia look like a developing nation. Bangkok is also pretty clean, with street sweepers out every day making sure the place is tidy.

Would I be back? Absolutely, I would. Would I spend 10 days in Bangkok again? No, I wouldn't. I think 5-7 days is enough, then I would spend a week or so on the coast chilling by the beach living like a king. Bangkok has everything you want, if you want fancy rooftop bars you have it. if you want street food and cheap beers you have that as well. you can spend as much or as little as you want. What i do recommend is to get involved in the food scene and don't be scared to eat off a street cart the food is amazing and could rival any top Thai restaurant in Australia.

If you've managed to stick around this long, thanks for reading! Writing these is my version of therapy—cheaper than a shrink and no awkward couch involved. If any of my ramblings tickle your fancy, give it a share and help make Bardos Adventures as famous as National Geographic.